Are you a vampire?

Vampirism is one of the biggest cultural obsessions this side of Anne Rice (not to mention Bram Stoker, Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Coleridge, and Lord Byron). It's a cultural meme. It's a role playing game. For some people, it's even a way of life. I'm sure you're dying to know what side of the coffin you sleep on, and have lots of faith in Cosmo-style personality quizzes, so have fun sinking your teeth into this quizlet.

Get started with these questions...

1

Do you consider yourself a night owl?

Yes. The sun makes me burst into flame. I have to stay in the shadows.

I like the night, it has good energy.

I think so. Sometimes. I've always liked the nighttime.

I wear my sunglasses at night...

Of course! That's when the best parties are!

No. I zonk out way before midnight. Early to bed, early to rise.

I actually like the early morning better. I have more energy.

I don't care, so long as I have something or someone to occupy me.

2

Do you have fangs?

Yes, and over the centuries I've learned to not bite myself on the lip while talking.

I bought them a little while ago and they're very nice. They go great with my velvet shirt.

They make great sex toys. Trust me on this one.

They do not!

I don't have fangs, but I do have these superb hand-crafted leather manacles.

I did buy a plastic pair for Halloween once. I still have them, too...

That's plastic FANGS, mind you, not plastic manacles - plastic manacles are bad for the tendons.

Fangs? FANGS? Give me a break!

3

Have you ever had a hunger for blood?

Yes. By the pints. Sometimes I even bathe in the stuff to keep my complexion fresh.

I have felt an urge, yes.

No. Blood is gross. Besides, it's only a carrier for life force. It's the life force I hunger for.

I've tasted it out of curiosity, but it isn't really my cup of tea. Or whatever.

Why don't you come over to my room sometime? I have some great etchings I'd like to show you.

Are you out of your mind?

I haven't had the stuff straight, but I've cooked with it: blood sausage, czornina, that sort of thing.

Only when I cut myself.

4

Have you ever been accused of sucking someone dry?

My victims don't usually talk when I'm done, unless they resurrect after death.

No.

No, and these are really stupid, stereotypical questions.

My mom always used to say I was exhausting.

My lovers always used to say I was exhausting. Heh. Heh.

I get that all the time.

Sometimes, but only when I felt really rotten.

Beer.

5

Do you have weird problems with your biorhythms or general health level?

Not since death. I'm actually much stabler now.

Now that you mention it, yes. Want to play doctor?

I have mood swings.

I have chronic health problems.

I have chronic health problems that only seem to improve when I get my fill of energy or blood.

I'm quite healthy, thank you.

Doesn't everyone these days?

This is really stupid. Vampirism has nothing to do with health issues.

6

Do you have any unusual powers?

I can change into a bat at will. It's loads of fun. Try it sometime.

I'm pretty sure I'm psychic.

I can tie cherry stems in knots with my tongue.

I learned a while ago how siphon life force. It comes in handy.

I can sell ice cubes to Eskimos.

I can accessorize black fishnet with black velvet with both hands ties behind my back with black rope.

Not that I know of.

Special powers?

7

Have you ever obliterated a village?

Yes. I was hungry. Besides, it was either that or let them exorcise me.

No.

Only to get at the cheese.

Only to get at the leather manacles.

Is this going to be on my permanent record?

I blame it all on the crowds at Endless Night.

I blame it all on my meds.

I blame it all on the Smurfs.

8

Have you ever wondered if you were a vampire?

When I woke up after being given the Dark Kiss, I kinda knew something funny was going on.

Yes.

No.

No, but now that I've taken this quiz, I'm getting ideas.

Only if it will get me laid.

And if manacles are involved. Not to mention Japanese nipple clamps.

Only if Smurfs are involved. And they have to wear the clamps, not me.

Off and on. Maybe.

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