The Level of Despair Test

Are you just a little jaded or totally dead inside? Find out!

Get started with these questions...

1

Finish this sentence: "Dear diary..."

Je ne comprends pas le monde, je le deteste...

Oh, how I love your pretty pink cover and your special lock!

I'd like to open with a quote from Lenny Bruce...

So my parents call me David, but that's just my slave name; my real name is...

how pathetic of me, buying a journal when i know my narcissism will only bring me more agony.

2

What's your favorite movie?

Love Liza

Annie Hall

Why watch movies? Those hack directors can't see inside my soul! They don't get me!

The Little Mermaid. Except for that queen, she's just awful!

anything by Truffaut

anything by Ingmar Bergman

3

When's the last time you cried?

I was hiding in the bathroom at a party after forgetting the punchline to a joke.

When my balloon flew away.

Cry? I don't have time to cry. I'm too busy hanging on my own personal cross.

Probably somewhere around the last time I ate, slept, or bathed...a couple weeks ago, give or take.

Everytime someone calls me Kelly Osborne.

4

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

A pancake with fried egg eyes and a bacon smile!

I ate cereal, since there was no one there to make my breakfast--again! Thanks mom!

I don't keep track of day and night anymore--it's just a long corridor of empty time stretching out until death, or the annihilation of the human race. Either way.

A cigarette and a cup of coffee...while wearing my black beret, of course.

Breakfast, right! Like I need another excuse to hate my thighs.

5

Pick your favorite of these books:

Nietzsche--Beyond Good and Evil

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Michael Savage--The Savage Nation

The Portable Dorothy Parker

6

Have you ever mutilated yourself?

Why bother? My soul's already twisted and deformed.

Constantly--wanna see my scars?

Society's left the bruises of its injustice all over my body!

Only my ego--sarcasm is my defense mechanism.

Is that something sexual? That sounds icky.

7

What series are you dying to buy on DVD?

Daria

Saved By the Bell--I just wanna throw darts at the TV while those self-righteous bastards parade around pulling pranks and making fun of outcasts like me!

The Cosby Show

My So-Called Life

They shut off my TV when I stopped paying rent. Money just seems so pointless.

8

What's your deepest, darkest secret?

One time my mom and my aunt both got me the same book for Christmas, but I didn't tell them 'cause I didn't want to hurt their feelings.

I really want to get into knitting--don't tell my friends!

I bite my toenails. Go ahead, tell everyone, I don't even care anymore.

Sometimes when I get nervous, I put my hands under my armpits and then I smell 'em--like this!...That was a joke. Get it? Like Mary Catherine Gallagher on SNL? Do you get it? Why aren't you laughing? Please laugh! Love me!

I killed a cat when I was little. But it was his fault! He was looking at me funny!

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