Skool Disko- The Night Of A Lifetime

Attending, as I do, an all-girls school, interaction of any sort with the opposite gender is scarce. Therefore occasions such as school discos were events to be greatly anticipated, analysed, and furthermore to keep us sated with gossip material for a good half-term. Unfortunately after about Year 9 (3rd form, 9th grade etc.) these thrilling opportunities for socialising are discontinued, as it is assumed that after this girls will have learned what is and is not acceptable behaviour around the unfairer sex. For those readers who have since forgotten the experience, or indeed have never had one, here is a chronological insight into the world of a twelve year old girl's very first school disco.

6:00 pm
Notice the time. Only an hour and a half to get ready!

6:17 pm
All ready!

6:18 pm

6:19 pm
There must be more to it than this. It says in 'Weenybop' that you must spend at least an hour on your appearance before going out, otherwise it will look as though you haven't bothered.

6:35 pm
Sister has just done my makeup! Although... not really sure false eyelashes are all that me.

6:37 pm
Sister says eyelashes are very sexy. But 'Weenybop' says I must wear only what I am comfortable with. I know. I'll cunningly trim them a bit using a nail clipper.

6:47 pm
Argh! Eyelashes are all different lengths!

7:01 pm
Eyelashes not coming off. I think I'll just leave it. Ooh! Have not yet had tea!

7:16 pm
Why, tonight of all nights, did Mum have to make kipper curry with extra garlic? I'll stink the place out!
Maybe then no-one will see eyelashes.

7:18 pm
Right. I'll get my handbag ready. Tissues, lip balm, fiver... oh. Won't all fit in bag.
I know. I'll put the fiver in my bra. Very safe and street-savvy. Ooh! Time to go.

7:29 pm
Got to the door, heart pounding. Barely noticed Mum giving me a kiss goodbye. Felt face flushing, palms sweating. Put coat next to door and pushed it open with a tremulous feeling that my adolescence was now truly about to begin...
No-one else had arrived yet. Decided it was safest to stand in a corner.

7:31 pm
Someone else just arrived. We didn't know each other, so they too went to stand in a corner.

7:34 pm
There are now four people all standing in different corners.
I wonder where the next person's going to go?

7:39 pm
A whole group of giggly girls just flounced in. One of them could have been Sarah Compton from my class, but it was hard to see as they all looked the same.

7:41 pm
Rachel (my best friend) just arrived! Went to give her big hug and kiss as I had seen the Sarah-Compton-alikes do, but she looked at me weirdly. Didn't look like she'd made much effort at all- just wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I tried to her that if she wanted to attract people she should make herself attractive to them, as explained in 'Weenybop'. She shrugged and said she wasn't bothered.

8:00 pm
Oooh! Big group of boys just came in! I'm sure the real fun will start now.

8:02 pm
Boys do not seem to be doing much. In fact, seperation seems to have occured between girls and boys. Sarah Compton edges closer to them with every second.

8:22 pm
McFly! Five Colours In Her Hair! Dancefloor is filled instantly and everyone displays the kind of dancing usually reserved for the last disco on earth!

8:24 pm
Dancefloor clears. DJ plays Busted in a vain attempt to recreate the atmosphere of a few moments ago, but doesn't have the same effect.

8:37 pm
Some boy just asked Sarah Compton to dance!

8:38 pm
Some boy just asked Rachel to dance! She turned them down, but still! Good for her.

8:39 pm
Space around us now filled with puppy-eyed Casanovas begging for Rachel's favour. Hmph.

8:41 pm
Boy has detached himself from Rachel's trainers and asked me to dance! I said yes!

8:42 pm
Music is very loud in here. Boy's name sounds like John, though it could have been Josh. Or maybe Pete.

8:42:01 pm
Boy asked me to pull!
Not sure what that means, so I said no.

8:42:21 pm
Song finished and boy ran off. Must have given the wrong answer.

8:45 pm
Boys now physically fighting over Rachel. Have moved away to avoid getting lipstick smudged.

8:46 pm
Oh God! DJ playing slow songs. Is last fifteen minutes and no-one will ask me to dance. I feel sure of it. Hang on. Hang on. Someone is coming over.

8:50 pm
Gah! It was Mum, asking when it was over. I told her at 9! I told her! Am mortified. I can never go out again.

8:51 pm
Sarah Compton appears to be eating the face of the boy she's dancing with. Slag. Right where everyone else can see.

8:52 pm
Rachel has finally taken pity on her would-be beaux and selected one to dance with for the last few minutes. The others slink away with murder in their eyes.

9:01 pm
Is over! Ugh. Weird ringing noise in ears. Sarah Compton kissing all boys in the surrounding area goodnight, Rachel and the Chosen One gaze at each other misty-eyed. I wonder if he's got a friend....

9:02 pm
In the car, on the way home. SO MUCH FUN! Can't wait for the next one!

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...