When gods wrestle

Well, fans, what a show we've got for you tonight. Returning from injury to defend his title, there's the Underworld Wrestling Federation® champion, the ass-kicker from Asgard himself, Odin. Facing him tonight in our star feature is the challenger, Poseidon the Sea God. And who can forget Poseidon's fan-favourite catchphrase - "I am the Sea God - I see god, I whup his lily ass!"? With the ring already being littered with chairs, garbage cans and thunderbolts, it promises to be a brutal match. Last time they met was a fight that surely no fan can forget. After two hours of throws, locks, suplexes, signature move mayhem and the unexpected intervention of Manannan mac Lir on behalf of Odin, the Norse Nemesis® eventually won the day with an eye-gougin', Greek-flattenin' double-back-cobra-throw-clutch, sending the Maritime Monster® crashing into the commentator's tables. Claiming the title as his divine right, Odin later commented "Garrrh!" before eating a nearby cameraman. Also tonight, in this very arena, you lucky fans get to see a royal rumble between the entire Hindu pantheon - a fight that is expected to last for several weeks. Last time Ganesh's tusky wiles proved more than a match for Siva after his battering by six minor deities of household items, but he's all stronged up and rarin' for revenge. Our tag team match of the day has been racked by controversy even before the contenders step into the ring, as the challengers for the title, Marduk and Enkidu, have sensationally called for the disqualification of the champions, Zeus and Jupiter. "We ain't gonna fight no pussies when they're the same person. That ain't my idea of a fair fight. We don't wanna whup his candy ass just to get disqualified for outnumberin' him," roared Enkidu, talking to our interviewer, Jesus "Single H" Christ. It's looking to be the double-team match-up of the epoch, fans, so catch all the action tonight, in a thundercloud near you. There's some serious bad blood stirring in the ladies' championship too, as we see the long-awaited bust-up between Aphrodite and Ishtar, in a Hell-in-a-Cell spectacular. First to pin their opponent, escape from the cage or lose over 50% of their clothing wins. What's more, there's talk of a potential unexpected intervention from Krishna, which could distract both wrestlers from the match.. Don't miss it, folks - the extravaganza of a lifetime - the one, the only (apart from next week's rematch) U.W.F. SMITEDOWN ! Available on pay-per-view for the knock-down price of only 4 souls per hour. May contain gratuitous sweat.

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