The Good Hairkeeping Show UFO Transformation To Come Analyzer
by Felix Nine
It seems UFOs are real, but they are not aliens from beyond the stars, no, they are from beyond reality, or beyond this reality anyway, critters of pure energy, able to shift back and forth between solid & energy form.
All those bright lights flitting about is them trying to figure out what the deal is with us solid folks.
When you hear someone talking about being abducted they are lying, the reason is you can always tell when someone has really, really been abducted.
You see when the aliens take a person to have a look at them they turn them into pure energy just like them, their problem is when it is returning that subject back to solid.
They have never gotten the whole reintegration thing down for humans.
But they do the best they can, as they cannot reform the person as they were, they grab something they understand, ambient energy, energy from television broadcasts.
As they do not have cable, they just use the information they picked up from TV waves broadcast from between 1949 to 1971, so that a person who has been abducted and turned into energy eventually finds themselves wandering along a road somewhere, a blend of say Donna Reed & Batgirl or Joey Heatherton doing an interpretation of Aunt Bea.
For some reason the UFOs only seem to use the images they picked up of the ladies, go figure.
Oh sure, people run to the authorities or Fate Magazine or whatever, but not even the biggest UFO buffs are willing to buy the story of a person that looks like a young Doris Day doing an impression of Mamie Van Doren!
What ya gonna do?
Well, research has been completed, if you fear you will be abducted by a UFO someday, just put your name in the blank below and find out who you will end up looking like. Hey, at least you will look like they were when they were young and full of zip.
The Spoof is Out There!