Rum and Monkey: Compatibility Test

We've all seen sites that try and calculate how compatible you are with your friends and strange people you met on the Internet. And yeah, they're a lot of fun, but something always seems missing. There's that niggling feeling at the back of your mind that they've left out something excruciatingly important.

This quiz asks all the important questions. Type in your email address, answer the questions, and check yourself against the ones you love.

Your email address

This is required if you want to see how compatible you are with people; otherwise we'll just give you a personality score. Don't worry, you won't get any spam.

Have you ever obliterated a village?

no, of course not.

look, it was just the once. i felt guilty about it, i did. now can we drop it? please?

yeah. heh. it was fun.

Does God call you God?

eh?

only when i do something extra-specially great.

yes, and i'm going to give him a right smiting for daring to speak my name.

People who disagree with you ...

... probably have some valid points.

... are wrong.

i thought there was a buzzing noise.

Other people ...

... need to bring me food more often.

... are great.

... don't pay enough attention to my suicide attempts.

You find a watch in the desert. Do you ...

... hand it in.

... muse about the existence of a watchmaker.

... take it, find the original owner, accuse them of theft and demand compensation.

Define semantics.

meaning and the study thereof.

interpretation of a word, not the true meaning.

the study of sperm and related fluids.

pranks on the high seas.

"LOL u r a fag". Acceptable and erudite commentary?

no.

sorta annoying, but who's it harming?

omfg j00 r f001z!

The best invention of the past 2000 years was ...

... the printing press.

... the suv.

... the wheel.

Clues to the origins of the universe can be best found in ...

... the works of stephen hawking.

... star trek.

... the lyrics of kurt cobain.

... genesis 1:1-31.

What was the turning point of World War Two?

stalingrad.

pearl harbor.

fort montgomery.

marathon.

Are you a goddamn pinko communist?

no. capitalism is the only system for a successful society.

no, but they did have some interesting ideas.

depends who's asking, but i advise you prepare for revolution.

Which is more biased?

rum and monkey.

60 minutes.

the o'reilly factor.

Have you no heart?

heart?

yes, but i prefer to exist on logic and reason.

oh, how it bleeds!

Is abortion murder?

yes, and pro-choicers are nothing but baby killers.

no, the foetus is part of the mother's body.

no, because the foetus isn't alive, except biologically, and while it's certainly alive it's not actually human - unless you look at the dna, but t's not alive in the sense that it's not dead but - er... it's not human and it doesn't have a brain, but it is still a living human, only not in the sense that killing it would be murder because its brain is not capable of independent movement outside the baby's body. what?

GOD IS PRO-LIFE.

You see two people of the same sex kissing in the street. What does that make you feel?

uncomfortable and a little angry.

slightly ill at ease. i don't mind what people do in the comfort of their own homes, but ...

i'm fine with it. what's the big deal?

like armageddon.

myself.

A wide-ranging set of Orwellian legislation is established which clamps down on your freedoms. What is your first response?

Carefully examine the text and write a letter of protest to your representative.

cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war.

poop. heheheheh.

You run a popular and interesting satirical Web site. What kind of things do you include?

pertinent essays examining the state of our society today in an intelligent and coherent manner.

some personality tests and articles written at 3am and an unfunny running joke about villages.

poop. heheheheh.

Rape is ...

terrible.

something i feel guilty about telling jokes about.

the source of all humour.

The pinnacle of TV humour is ...

yes, minister.

the simpsons.

beavis and butthead.

south park.

friends.

frasier.

some guy vomiting into his underpants on jackass.

A great song you love is ...

miserere mei by allegri.

let it be by the beatles.

summertime by gershwin.

hotel california by the eagles.

song for the dumped by ben folds five.

creep by radiohead.

my name is by eminem.

sk8er boi by avril lavigne.

anything by al yankovic.

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