What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Yeah, you're a drunk. We've seen you stumble home late at night from the bars and clubs, your chin soaked in beer and your clothes stinking of cigarettes and other peoples' sweat. But that's okay. We're from Edinburgh. Everyone does that in Edinburgh. All we want to know is: what kind of drunk are you?

Get started with these questions...

Can you handle the drink?

Which one?

My wings are like a shield of steel.

Are you close to tears? Go on. You can tell me.

Tears are for the weak.

I love you ...

Does the phrase 'wanky tottle' amuse you?

How puerile.

Heh, that sounds like penis.

Do you laugh at alcoholics?

Yes.

No. Well, sometimes.

And then cry?

No.

Yes.

Have you made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself?

Why would I do that?

I'm still on Step 3.

Know thyself?

Yes.

Who?

Am I messing with you right now?

I don't think so, are you?

Cunt.

The toilet bowl is -

- an apt metaphor for wasted dreams and human mutability.

- my only friend at the end of the night.

Are you answering these questions at random, clicking and clicking as you giggle and sway?

Of course not.

Heh, that sounds like penis.

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What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Get started with these questions...

Can you handle the drink?

Are you close to tears? Go on. You can tell me.

Does the phrase 'wanky tottle' amuse you?

Do you laugh at alcoholics?

And then cry?

Have you made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself?

Know thyself?

Am I messing with you right now?

The toilet bowl is -

Are you answering these questions at random, clicking and clicking as you giggle and sway?

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

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