Personal Performance Review: George W. Bush

Two years ago, I began writing Personal Performance Reviews for the fine frequenters of the Rum and Monkey forum, which can be found at your left (or right, for those afflicted with dyslexia). They enjoyed the amount in which I reveled in their personal lives, giving them an honest, but bias, interpretation of what I thought of them in a succinct and personal matter. I never concluded the list of people who requested them, but I still have this list, vowing that one day I shall complete it.

However, the mood has taken me to psychoanalyze some one that I might not know so well personally, but has been an important figure in my life regardless, President George W. Bush.


George Bush is a politician. Therefore, law dictates that his personality should be entirely falsified and deemed fake by the public at large. His words and beliefs shall be taken as poppycock and his attitudes shall be platitudes towards his own personal goal.

However, he is also the President. That is the political position where a man is allowed to be a man (although the first lady is still just the Senate pin up for the next four years). This man shall the example of which the entire country should look to for inspiration on how they should live their lives.

In truth, he seems to have a halfway decent personality. He claims to not drink or smoke, his references of God and belief in Christianity are often thought to be decent moral underpinning if you just remove the higher being and uppity attitude. He has two daughters who seem to be pretty down to earth, and he stresses family values. He has a few dogs, and enjoys spending time outdoors and catering to the simple things in life. At home, George seems to be a model American, and depending on your nationality, that could be good or bad.

In the office however, George doesn't come off as the most impressive person in the world. His down home simplicity, while suitable perhaps for a construction worker or hardware salesman, doesn't make a good politician. Sure, it's what a politician wants to project, but to actually be down home is entirely different. But, here we are with good ole George. His bumbling of speeches and 'does not play well with others' foreign policy is frightening. His idea of a budget is even worse. As a college student, I know what a budget is like. I don't live off of ramen, but I don't eat out either. It's a happy medium.

Mr. Bush does not seem to understand this notion, instead taking a 'I like you, you get more than these folks' approach. This makes one wonder why George seems to hate education so.

Overall, George seems to be big on laughs (as a viewing of Fahrenheit 9/11 can show you, as can the No Child Left Behind Act), and big on morals (see possible amendment for defining marriage) but this shows a man of passion. Perhaps is so many other people weren't apathetic about their beliefs and their causes then we would have more people representing a greater variety of beliefs, as opposed to the seemingly split population between those who identify as Republican and those who identify as Democrat.

But this isn't about politics, this about George. We love George. Or at least, George loves us with his big Christian heart.

Resemblance to an avocado.

For those unknowing, an avocado is a sort of fruit commonly grown in Southern California. It's got a very large seed in the center, creamy green meat around that, and covering it a dark green hide that resembles an alligators skin. It's overall shape is that of a pear, which is why some people call them alligator pears.

To get on with it, it seems as though George is in fact, the perfect avocado. He's a politician for face, keeping up all these pretenses, but when he gets home, he just relaxes and unwinds and loses all the edges of politics that may cloud his person and make him more congenial and friendly to be around. But at the center of all of this is the dark brooding pasts of rumors about dodging serious military service, of low grades, of drugs and alcohol abuse, and his current conceptions that come out in his exterior that may wind up wounding the country far more than his good intentions ever will.

To repeat, George Bush is an avocado.


George's humor, as with most people coming from the South, can be defined as a bit crass, a bit home down. He can trade the puns with the best of us, he can the old set up jokes, but it doesn't seem as if George is actually witty. He can retell jokes that someone else made, but honest to god, his delivery is terrible.

There is a gleam of intelligence, a gleam of humor, and there's always amusement, but his delivery is so poor, people only laugh because of his power. It's a terrible happening.

At a party, George is the guy in the circle listening to the witty men tell a large body of jokes and personal anecdotes, and only contributes a badly delivered quip or two. It's a very sad state.

It also seems as though that George's ability to take humor doesn't seem to be so high. I don't have any evidence, but it seems that many types of humor may in fact generally anger him to the point of bursting a vein or two. It's terribly frightening how rigid he can be.


Despite numerous fake identities and avatars claiming otherwise, George Bush has never posted anything on the Rum and Monkey forums, much less visited them. Or at least not anything that can be proven.

Content of Posting.

I suspect, that had he posted, George would be a troll, not knowing that he was a troll. A very sad state of affairs indeed.

Past Experiences and Relations

I think George Bush visited a town I was in once or twice. I never paid much attention. I'm not much in agreement with his stances, although republican definitely has the cooler sounding party name. I've cursed at his name on the TV a few times, especially concerning gay marriage and education, but otherwise I've not had much to do with the man.

Although, it's his actions that make it so that I don't call myself an American and rather identify with part of the country or perhaps a member of the human race.

Relations to Me.

We both have family in the south. His just happens to be exponentially more rich and powerful and money grubbing and potentially evil.

Overall Impression.

While socially, his moral fortitude may be something to admire, his stances are not something I find personally pleasing at all, but his consistency can be applauded. His political beliefs on the other hand, I'm almost dead set against. I mean, a few years ago when he put money towards the AIDS epidemic in Africa and the hydrogen powered cars, that was a good move.

But with the wars, and terrorist name calling like a second grader and other such behavior, I'm just not a fan.

George could use some overall improvement, especially in the "play well with others" category.

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...