So I've devised this helpful little document - it's a LiveJournal entry that you can simply cut, edit and paste into your LiveJournal, saving you the hassle of actually having to write it yourself.
The best part is, it will still look like you've sat down and really taken the time to write about your life. Your friends will love you for opening up to them, internet voyeurs will adore you for baring your soul and LiveJournal will continue to be home to angst-ridden banalities from all over the world.
So here it is - the Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™.
The instructions are simple - just cut and paste the document into a word processor, and delete whichever options aren't applicable.
Today was really
I got out of bed
- really early because my mom was yelling at me
- really early because I had terrible stomach cramps/just before breakfast because the smell of cooking bacon woke me up
- really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.
- Because I had to throw up. I'm really sick. I mean REALLY sick.
- a bit strange because we've just moved to Idaho and there's a weird smell in the house.
- Unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
- Good because today I getting my lip pierced! Finally! Mom said I could and she's signed the forms and EVERYTHING!
- Sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.
- angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.
- Happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?
- Sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.
- Hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.
Last night I had to
- finish my term paper on the history of pre-communist Russian society. I focussed on the needs of women. I think it's ok, but if I don't pass this I'll lose my scholarship.
- Go and pay Joshua's bail. He's such a jerk. He got arrested for punching the Walmart clerk in the face for refusing to sell him beer. He's only 16!
- Shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
- Masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.
I want to tell the world
- to get fucked
- that I love you all! You're all so special to me!
- That my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!
- That I'm gay.
- making this journal Friends Only because of the perverts and stalkers who only want to see my photos.
- making this journal friends only because I don't want the world to read what I'm writing, even though I'm posting it on the internet.
- sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.
- really annoyed with those assholes at _are_you_hotter_than_us_?, because I am so much cuter than them, and those photos don't do me justice. They can't reject me, so I'm starting my own rating community. Click here to join (the first five applicants are automatically accepted).
- updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes!
- Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.
- Here's some photos of my cock.
- Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)
- But I don't know how to work it. Can you help me?
- I'm so ugly. Don't look at my photos pleeeeeze.
I want to say thanks to
- Babybob556 for making the background and icons for my journal. Thanks hon, ur super special!
- the academy for giving me this award.
- My dad for giving me my own computer and digital camera. Here's a photo of my room. The weather in Ontario is cold. I have nothing more to say.
- Simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.
- The world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said
- I have bipolar disorder, just like my mom.
- I have bipolar disorder, just like my dad.
- I have bipolar disorder, just like my best friend Sally
- I have bipolar disorder, and should stop smoking drugs
- I have bipolar disorder, and a healthy imagination
- I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.
- I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you
- what job you'll do when you grow up
- who you're sexually compatible with
- next weeks lottery numbers
- what your favourite sexual position is
- you're a moron.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with
- this poem I wrote. It's about my friend Robert, who has bipolar disorder. Just like me. And Heidi.
- My favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.
- Some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).
- This thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.