Ich werde ein Berliner

Welcome to the official Ich werde ein Berliner personality test. Please answer all questions in a stern and serious manner, and then click the "Bin ich ein Berliner?" button on the bottom of this page to see the result. Ready? Let's start now:

Get started with these questions...

1

Your German acquaintances invite you to the movies. They ask you to decide on the movie theatre for the night. You only know the names of those theaters, though, so which one do you choose?

Kaskade

Film.Art

Die Wilhelmine

Planet Cinema

2

Finish the following sentence: "If I had a million Euros, I would..."

...buy a designer Altbau-apartment in Mitte, not tell anyone about it and dress solely in thrift-store clothing from then on.

...blow it all on hookers and coke, you only live once baby!

...travel to the world's most miserable 3rd world countries for a couple of years and, upon my return, tell everyone to support "the poor" more.

...raise my living standards, like buying only fresh produce, move to a nice new building, and affording a little luxury when traveling.

3

People who deliberatley do not shower for a few days are...

...the epitome of uberedgy quirkiness, like those cool hippies back then who were partying so hard they had no time for personal hygiene.

...too intelligent to adapt the perverted hygienic standards forced upon us by the paternalistic mass-media.

...probably too busy or allergic to shampoo, I guess...

...pretentious idiots.

4

To me, Hamburg is...

...just another mid-size town not worth having an opinion about.

...the most beautiful city in the world. They said so on the radio!

...Germany's secret "capital of hipness". Berlin is sooo early noughties you know...

...a nice place, with lots of water, a harbour, I mean, like, not many cities have that, right?

5

Oops! At your local organic food store, Bionade is completely sold out and later on you are having some of your German acquaintances over...how will you save everyone's day?

I substitute Bionade with cheap, ironic beer in an ironically retro designed tin can.

I'll buy Club Mate. It's much cooler than that tired Bionade crap anyway.

I go the extra mile to see if the other organic food store still has stock.

I buy Pepsi instead.

6

All your German acquaintances are attending a political demonstration. When they ask you to join them, you...

...decline the offer because you can't really make up your mind yet if you're pro or contra that political issue

...immediately go because you're hoping to run into that cute girl/boy you met at Berghain last week.

...say you'll come a bit later because you need to go to the thrift store first to step your "protester swag" up for the event.

...are immediately heading to the demo to support your friends' political ideas.

7

What is your favourite means of communication?

E-Mail

SMS

Telephone

Yelling in the other person's ear because the band is so loud

8

The hottest fashion item right now is...

A plain t-shirt and jeans

Ironically worn oversized "grandpa" glasses

Tight black jeans, plaids, and chucks

A beard and a scarf

9

German driving school: You are in Germany on a bicycle, riding on a one-way road in the wrong direction (illegally). Suddenly, you see a car coming towards you, breaking no traffic laws. What do you do?

Yell at him just for bothering you on "your street", then give him the finger, and, if it happens to not be a black BMW with body kits, kick a dent into the door and then getting the hell away

Get out of the way and make an apologetic gesture. After all, you were using the road wrongly.

Trying to somehow manage to get past the car, not without giving the driver an admonishing glance.

Just ride on the sidewalk in an aggressive manner, bothering a few pedestrians and secretly follow the car to scratch it when the driver is gone away.

10

For me, a perfect Saturday evening means...

...inviting my spouse to a classy restaurant for a romantic dinner.

...to meet some friends to watch that new HBO series one guy got from The Pirate Bay.

...waking up undressed in the back rooms of Berghain among a bunch of bodybuilding gay skinhead ketamine dealers.

..sitting in my basement writing on my bestselling novel in which I prententiously and self-importantly break some non-existing taboos.

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