The Oracle of Eris
by Terry McCombs
Below you will find An Oracle of Eris.
Eris being the Goddess of strife & chaos who rolled a golden apple into a wedding attended by the gods inscribed "for the prettiest" which led to the Trojan war (it's complicated I won't be going it all that here), more recently she has been seen being worshipped by Discordians, in the pages of The Illuminatus! Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shea & on the Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy.
The oracle combines the cut-up method of William S. Burroughs and 55 Discordian quotes or catmas from "A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim, Mother is the best bet," to "Captain Clark welcomes you abord," to well known quotes at random such as "For criminals are a cowardly & superstitious lot so I shall become a bat!"
These have have been divided into 5 parts (and paraphrased when needed so they fit on the Rum & Monkey generator.)
How it works? Put in your name or a phrase in the slot and get am utterly random cut-up sentence made up from these 55 quotes, which no doubt will make little or no sense.
After that it's up to you to consult your pineal gland and I Ching it to make it mean something.
The hard work is up to you but to make up a quote from Eris "If you don't do the heavy lifting, I won't do the reality shifting."