@rumandmonkey Great speeches through history, if they'd been made on Twitter: http://rumandmonkey.com/humor/2009/11/18/great-speeches-twitter/

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Can you handle the drink?
 
Are you close to tears? Go on. You can tell me.
 
Does the phrase 'wanky tottle' amuse you?
 
Do you laugh at alcoholics?
 
And then cry?
 
Have you made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself?
 
Know thyself?
 
Am I messing with you right now?
 
The toilet bowl is -
 
Are you answering these questions at random, clicking and clicking as you giggle and sway?
 

Iain wrote this.

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