It has come to my attention that some of you have been punching my monkey. I understand that some of you might consider it fun; some might consider it a challenge. Some of you might even have the bizarre notion that you might obtain profit and fame from such an endeavour.

Please rid your head of such ideas immediately. There is no machismo in punching a small ape. He can't run very fast, owing to his club foot, and he's only very little. I also really must reiterate that you will never get rich punching my monkey. Vince gives love, not change.

So why do it? Why do people feel the need to unleash their horrible, human aggression on poor Vincent?

Let me put this very simply. While some of you are stupid, others are evil. You see that poor, defenceless little monkey, and you want to take that Satan-possessed levitating glove of yours and smash him in the face. I've seen you; don't tell me it's not true.

What you should know, kids, is that punching monkeys is against the law. It's a federal crime, and you can go to jail for a very long time. So stop. Please stop. Please.

Thank you.