Rum and Monkey

The one with the best looks, because there's no substitute for hair extensions and clenching your ass while you strut.

A bipolar manic depressive who's already been kicked out of two other bands.

A short but hyper-aggressive lesbian.

The one with the best voice, because there's no substitute for talent.

Fire the bass player.

Question

The band's been practicing for hours, but you still can't get this one song down. Your reaction?

"Let's take a break and come at it fresh tomorrow."

"Dammit, we're gonna do this all night until we get it right."

"This is gonna take a lot of hard work. New haircuts, tighter jeans and maybe some American Apparel. After that we should just be able to lay some synth-pop over it."

Just get drunker and turn up the amps.

Fire the bass player.

Question

What do you do when your lead singer shows up thirty minutes late for a gig and is obviously coked-up?

...well, so was the rest of the band.

"Guess what asshole? We already went on without you - and they loved us!"

Ask him nicely to be on time for the next show and to stop fucking your girlfriend.

They say nice guys make shitty music...

Fire the bass player.

Question

The band's just been booked to a legendary local venue, and this could be your big chance. What's your plan?

The last guys to get signed after playing here - what'd they sound like?

"To quote The Replacements, we may not be the best band to play this place, but we *could* be the worst."

"We're putting our lives on the line for this show. Play well, and I'll give everyone the antidote."

"WWDPD? (What Would Daft Punk Do?) One word: Lasers."

Fire the bass player.

Question

A local music journalist asks you to list your influences for an article. Your response?

The Rolling Stones, The Clash and The Hold Steady

"Nobody reads your fucking zine."

Bon Jovi, Ryan Seacrest and Maroon 5

Dethklok (blood is... an energy conductor!!!)

Fire the bass player.

Question

You've been struggling to get gigs, and one of your bandmates suggests a change in direction...

"Well... Maybe country?"

"I know! Let's take last month's big top forty hit and make it more fun, you know, toss in a little R&B, or maybe make it more of a ballad?"

"We could start doing whippets before shows instead of poppers."

Music is like picking pizza toppings with friends. Do. Not. Compromise.

"We could always fire the bass player..."

Question

Choose your horrible, horrible band name.

Him/Her/It

Cockvomit

Aceheart

Bassless

The Decemberists

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The Rock Band Test

Get started with these questions...

You're holding auditions for a lead singer. Who do you choose?

The band's been practicing for hours, but you still can't get this one song down. Your reaction?

What do you do when your lead singer shows up thirty minutes late for a gig and is obviously coked-up?

The band's just been booked to a legendary local venue, and this could be your big chance. What's your plan?

A local music journalist asks you to list your influences for an article. Your response?

You've been struggling to get gigs, and one of your bandmates suggests a change in direction...

Choose your horrible, horrible band name.

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

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