The Mug Inquisition

Have you ever wondered what kind of Mug you are? Wow. You're life must be pretty empty. But so is mine, seeing as I had the time to make this test. But I'm still better than you. Don't believe me? Take the test and see for yourself how crappy your life is compared to mine.

Get started with these questions...

1

You're walking down the street when some Mormons approach you solicting their faith. What do you do?

Pretend like you're interested, then go to their house and molest their children.

Bite the fat one in the neck and use his blood to draw a pentagram on the sidewalk.

Join just long enough to make sweet polygamist love to your many wives. Then you burn the house down while they're sleeping and move on with your life.

Join the faith and show up to their first gathering, then plant drugs in their car and sell their children to Indians.

Say no, and if they persist, you stab them in the face.

I don't know. I might listen depending on how busy I am.

2

Assume for a moment you had a lapse in judgement and made the mistake of having kids. You're at his elementary school one day when you see another kid push your son and cut in fornt of him in the line for cookies, or water, or whatever the fuck kids line up for. What do you do?

Beat your son for not kicking that kid's ass.

Beat your son, but just for the fun of it.

Ignore it while you have sex with his hot teacher on top of the food in the cafeteria.

Grab the other kid, jam two needles into his eyes, and pump him full of your own urine. Then you start hitting all of the other kids with croquet mallets.

Lure the other children to your van with promises of bubble-gum and puppies.

I dunno.

3

You go in to apply for a job. What job are you applying for?

Professional Ass-Kicker. And there's no application unless he likes being sodomized by your Timberlands.

Jobs are for suckers. I'm going get high.

International lover and cigar aficionado.

Slaughterhouse worker.

Ice cream truck driver.

I don't know. You're the one asking the questions.

4

I don't care how you just answered. You're applying for a job. How do you impress the interviewer?

Kick his ass and ask him if he wants seconds.

Intimidate him, and kill his family if I don't get the job.

If it's a woman, make sweet love to her. If it's a man, bribe him.

Take a dump on his desk and jam a pencil in his kidney.

Offer to babysit his supple young boys.

I don't even know what job this is.

5

You didn't get the job. Way to go you fucking failure! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Damn you suck ass. But all seriousness aside, why didn't you get hired?

Halfway through the interview, his head exploded because he couldn't comprehend how awesome I am.

I lit up a fat blunt during the interview. I thought he was cool.

His wife showed up during the interview and I ended up having sex with her on his desk.

I ate his face.

He caught me licking the pictures of his children.

I don't know! I wasn't even at the interview! What the hell are you talking about?!

6

So you lost the job. Now what?

I take out my fury on the nearest homeless person.

I kill all of the interviewer's friends and family Godfather style.

Steal a steamroller and plow it into an orphanage.

Go home and watch The Sandlot with my pants down.

What are you talking about?

Put my cigar out in his eye, steal someone's wife, then break her heart and beat her savagely to cheer myself up a little.

7

You go to a bar to relax after your failure. What do you do to pass the time?

Start singng karaoke, then mow down everyone in fornt with a Tommy Gun for going to a Karaoke bar.

Slip deadly stomach parasites into everyone's drink and wait for the fun to begin.

Light up a cigar, stomp everyone's ass at trivia, and wonder who slipped the stomach parasite into your drink.

EXPLODE.

Buy some wine to bring to the kids outside.

I don't know. I've never been to a bar.

8

So you're at the bar, and some weirdo comes up and just starts rambling. He's a really annoying jackass, and he intoduces himself like it's a fucking dating service video. "Hello, my name is _. My interests are _" etc. Worst of all, he says "LOL". Ugh...What do you do?

Attack him with a jackhammer until there's nothing left but blood and air, and headbutt everyone who has a problem with it.

Grab a power-sander, and grind his face off slowly.

Beat the ever-loving shit out of him the good old fasioned way.

Rape him in the face.

Yell at him for interrurpting you while you were watching the little league game.

I couldn't figure out how to get out of that situation.

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