Why aren't you dead yet?

Train it to kill on command.

Name it Fluffy and take it out to play frisbee.

Show it off to everyone you know and beat it when it pees on your aunt's leg.

Curl it's hair and enter it in the "Most Beautiful Dog in America" contest.

Question

You see a really hot person at a party. You....

Start humping their leg.

Wait quietly and hope they notice you eyeing their package.

Flash them.

Wink up them and charm them with your charming charm.

Question

Your aunt is going into the hospital for 2 weeks and she gives you the key to her house so you can feed her stinkin' cat. You....

Take her beloved cat to the groomer's once a week and feed it Fancy Feast in a crystal dish.

Check up on the damn cat every day like she told you to.

"Accidentally" put cyanide in the cat water.

Sell all your aunt's things on Ebay and tell her she was robbed.

Question

You are taking a well-deserved dump in a public restroom when someone walks in on you. You....

Throw poop at them.

Are humiliated and dwell on the encounter for weeks.

Say "I'll be done in ten minutes."

Shove their head in the toilet and drown them. They will not live to repeat to anyone what they just saw.

Question

You just won a 20 million dollar lottery. You...

Donate a good amount of the money to homeless brats living in squalor.

Buy yourself a peaceful mansion in the country to live out the rest of your pointless days.

Use it to buy political power to eventually start World War III.

Buy all the drugs and alcohol you can and have a three-year long party.

Question

You scrounged enough change to buy yourself a new CD. You get...

Screw the CD, I need my fix.

The most malicious Black Metal album you can find, memorize all the lyrics and strive to live by them.

Yanni.

Whatever everyone else is listening to.

Question

Your best friend is put on life support and is sure to die any day leaving behind his ten kids and leaving YOU a 10,000$ life insurance policy. You...

Buy the kids whatever they want and use the rest for funeral arrangements.

Take the money and run - the kids will do fine in foster care.

Wallow in grief, he was the only person on earth who could stand being around you.

Buy a deserted shack in the desert and use the kids as personal slaves to build your utopian society.

Question

You just caught your significant other in bed with (horrors!) someone of their same gender!!! You...

Rip your clothes off and jump in bed with both of them.

Grab the nearest heavy object and crush both their skulls.

Run out of the room crying.

Get revenge by fornicating with a circus midget.

Question

You just won a trip to France!! You...

Decide you can't go because your spouse will be lonely without you.

Have a lovely time then brag to all your friends about your trip when you get back.

Use this as the perfect opportunity to smuggle guns out of the country.

Go even though you are broke and pickpocket for cash to buy exotic French perfume.

This is a user-written post. Rum and Monkey isn't responsible for its content, however good it may be. Please report any inappropriate content.

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

The Heavy Metal Band Name Generator

Which Nationality Is Your Soul?

Which Fraternity Would You Join?

Warrior Name Generator

Which Celebrity Should Be Your Best Friend?

The Stripper Name Generator

What WoW Class Should You Roll?

What is Your Samurai Name?

Is the Army for You?

WANT MORE FUNNY LIKE THIS? FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK

Why aren't you dead yet?

Get started with these questions...

You get a new dog. You...

You see a really hot person at a party. You....

Your aunt is going into the hospital for 2 weeks and she gives you the key to her house so you can feed her stinkin' cat. You....

You are taking a well-deserved dump in a public restroom when someone walks in on you. You....

You just won a 20 million dollar lottery. You...

You scrounged enough change to buy yourself a new CD. You get...

Your best friend is put on life support and is sure to die any day leaving behind his ten kids and leaving YOU a 10,000$ life insurance policy. You...

You just caught your significant other in bed with (horrors!) someone of their same gender!!! You...

You just won a trip to France!! You...

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

Popular Content

The Heavy Metal Band Name Generator

Which Nationality Is Your Soul?

Which Fraternity Would You Join?

Warrior Name Generator

Which Celebrity Should Be Your Best Friend?

The Stripper Name Generator

What WoW Class Should You Roll?

What is Your Samurai Name?

Is the Army for You?