How Happy is Mister Happy?

I felt like I was wearing parachute pants.

Three words. Jessie's. Jazz. Pants.

I wasn't wearing pants . . .

I can't remember. Mister Happy was just a little too excited.

No tighter than when I first saw her.

Question

When you arrived, Maria--

offered you a tuna fish sandwich.

offered you a TUNA FISH sandwich. wink. wink.

offered to cover you in whipped cream.

offered you lemonade. You offered her a sausage.

offered you strawberries and chocolate. You ate them with her mother.

Question

Would you say you're at second base?

I didn't know I was playing baseball.

I'm still on deck.

I'm on second base but no one has batted me to third yet.

I scored a homerun on my first at bat.

The ump kicked me out for bad sportsmanship.

Question

If Saturday night were a carnival, you would have ridden--

nothing. You played the carnival games where you always lose and waste your money.

the ferris wheel. You're sitting happily on the top.

the roller coaster. Just when you think you're getting somewhere, you keep hurdling downward at 70 mph.

the tilt-a-whirl. There are a few dizzy moments but no one lost their lunch over it.

the carousel. It was good, clean family fun.

Question

How nekkid were you?

About as nekkid as an eskimo.

I respect her too much to get nekkid.

Does it count if only one of us has all our clothes off?

We only got as nekkid as the girls on Girls Gone Wild.

We recreated Paradise Lost.

Question

Killing deer crossed your mind--

1-4 times--as good as could be expected from a man.

5-10 times--The chase was not thrilling enough to entirely forget dead animals and guns.

11-14--it was hard not to. In the dark, Maria sometimes looked a little bit like a deer.

The whole time. That was all we did.

I tried to do both at the same time. I took her against a tree.

Question

Tell us where she touched you.

She couldn't touch me. She was tied up.

We only touched when we were playing patty cake.

Her hand brushed my leg when she was reaching for the strawberries.

It would have been legal in a boxing match. There was nothing below the belt.

Mr. Happy loves to be kissed.

Question

On Tuesday morning, Jessie and Jake will be like--

children on Christmas morning.

Will. We'll be so bored, we will resort to talking about video games.

a puppy. We'll be willing to believe anything as long as we get our scooby snacks.

barbie dolls--smiling on the outside but plastic on the inside.

chocoholics in the Hershey's factory.

Question

Which workout did Mister Happy do?

A Sit-and-be-Fit workout.

A game of four-square.

A triathalon.

18 holes of golf.

A darn good afternoon of deer-killing.

Question

If Maria were a pet, she would be--

Jessie's cat. She doesn't care which Mr. Happy she'd buddying up to.

Jake's dog, a little rambunctious but loyal and cute.

A bird, I've got her locked in a cage.

The gerbal. She's mostly interested in running on the wheel.

A guinea pig. She's soft, furry, and fun to pet but that's about it.

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How Happy is Mister Happy?

Get started with these questions...

How tight did your pants become?

When you arrived, Maria--

Would you say you're at second base?

If Saturday night were a carnival, you would have ridden--

How nekkid were you?

Killing deer crossed your mind--

Tell us where she touched you.

On Tuesday morning, Jessie and Jake will be like--

Which workout did Mister Happy do?

If Maria were a pet, she would be--

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

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