20 indicators that weeping at work may be a viable plan going forward

Boss has taken up ragga. Chair has become one with Nestene consciousness and keeps trying to nibble on bum. Utopian vision for global democracy dashed by gel-haired colleague's Daily Mail worldview. Zombie army escaped again and appears to want IT support. Oh noes, someone took two donuts. Microsoft Office has become otherworldly sentient intelligence and still just wants to know if you're writing a letter. Someone replaced office door with portal to death dimension again. Funny prank, ha ha ha. Office drinks night again and idiot colleagues want to go get Bacardi Breezers and get hammered at bar full of townies with glossy purple ties again. Job prospects virtually nil; obesity prospects virtually 100%. Office junior appears to be humping leg. Location of rest of body unsure. Drew Carey new boss; cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway? new colleagues; Darth Vader and evil Imperial Alliance new client. New job description entails watching videos of creepy Japanese girl crawling from well. Entire office consists of prolific eaters of cheese and onion potato chips. Amid talks of cutbacks, preacher has appeared to read everyone their last rites in turn. The boss has encouraged entire management team to create a capella ragga choir. Entire office now sounds like forest of bullfrogs with acute indigestion. Except for one guy who insists on singing like Crazy Frog. Work piled up to the extent that NASA's plans for a space elevator based on carbon nanotubes shelved as unnecessary; targets and deliverables determined to be more robust. "Come to work in your underwear day" was cruel and elaborate practical joke. "Come to work in your underwear day" was not a cruel and elaborate practical joke. Universe has collapsed due to physics.

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