Rum and Monkey's person of the year 2006 (part one)

It's that time of the year again; we last examined the greatest people of the year in 2004, and concluded, prophetically, that we were too lazy to pick anyone. Time Magazine have boldly copied our strategy in their Christmas 2006 issue, and it is left for us to once again charge ahead into the magnificent future, leading the way for all journalism behind us. Who should be Rum and Monkey's person of the year for 2006? Once again, we find there are a number of excellent contenders, which we will take you through one by one. Once we have covered them all, for the first time - weep, dear readers, for your luck is in - you will be allowed to vote. Praise be! Here, then, is our first candidate. Donald Rumsfeld Donald Henry Rumsfeld was the Secretary of Defense in the Bush administration until December 18, 2006. This is a job that he handled with aplomb; with dignity; with unbridled arrogance and pig-ignorance befitting his standing in the Republican Party. As Defense Secretary, Rumsfeld was in favour of and ostensibly in charge of America's role in the war in Iraq. We hail his approval of both the detention of 'enemy combatants' without the Geneva Convention protections usually afforded prisoners of war, as well as tortures such as sleep deprevation and intentional failure to register the presence of prisoners. After all, these were terrorists, not human beings. Never mind that this hadn't been shown through any kind of due process under international law. He could feel it in his incredibly wise bones, like the calling of the sea or the desire to kill. So incredibly wise were his bones that Rumsfeld routinely ignored the advice of military advisors, who grew to resent him. The Military Times eventually stated that, "Rumsfeld has lost credibility with the uniformed leadership, with the troops, with Congress and with the public at large. His strategy has failed." Despite the fact that his actions led to failures and unnecessary deaths on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan, he didn't show weakness by caring for the families of lost soldiers, choosing to mark condolence letters with an autopen rather than spend time signing them himself. And why not? As one blog put it, "Rumsfeld has served this country honorably, and with all the skill and capability he could bring to focus." Why sign condolence letters when you're an American hero? You can't focus all the time! That's an hour better spent kicking back with a bourbon! All this, and he has the brilliant audacity to live in a place called Mount Misery. Donald Rumsfeld, we salute you! Tomorrow: another hilarious candidate!

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...