Rum and Monkey

The Guinness Book of World Records

The Bro Code

No book can contain my awesomeness

Question

How perfect are you?

My keyboard doesn’t have a backspace button – I don’t make mistakes

I don’t wear a watch, I decide what time it is

I am so musical, I can make rock covers of Enya

When I call 911, it is to ask if everything is ok

I don't dial the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone

Question

How Scary Are You?

I don’t have good aim, my bullets just know better than to miss

I am the reason Waldo is hiding

I don’t worry about gas prices – my vehicles run on fear

The reason people tore down the Berlin wall was to get away from my singing

Question

How sporty are you?

I usually win at billiards – using a toothpick as my cue stick

I once bowled a perfect game with a marble

I can do a wheelie with a unicycle

I once ran around the world in 10 minutes, after spending 9 minutes stretching

Question

How are your cooking skills?

I can unscramble an egg

I can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

I can cook meat by looking at it

I make onions cry

Question

How do you compare to other legends?

I once got into a fight with Superman – the loser had to wear his underpants on the outside…

I actually died 5 years ago, but the Grim Reaper couldn’t muster the courage to tell me

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that I CAN “touch this.”

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from me

I once urinated in a truck’s gas tank as a joke – that truck is now called Optimus Prime

The saddest moment for a kid is not when he learns Santa doesn’t exist – it is when he learns I do.

Question

How are your math skills?

I counted to infinity. Twice

I can divide by zero

I can find the end of a circle

I lost count of the amount of people I banged

Question

How are your social skills?

I can speak Braille

I know Victoria’s secret

I once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

Strippers pay me for lap dances

Question

How is your acting?

I once showed up as an extra and got the “best actor” award

I would have played in Batman vs. Superman, but nobody wanted to see a movie of only 14 seconds long

I actually played all the women in Baywatch

I was kicked off Dancing With The Stars because I needed a new partner every week

Question

How do you influence the universe?

There is no such thing as evolution – there is only a list of creatures I allow to exist

The universe was created when I roundhouse kicked Nothing in the face and told it to get a job.

Thunder is caused by me rubbing the stubble under my chin

I coined the phrase “I could eat a Horse” after eating every last Unicorn in existence

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Get started with these questions...

Which book is about your life?

How perfect are you?

How Scary Are You?

How sporty are you?

How are your cooking skills?

How do you compare to other legends?

How are your math skills?

How are your social skills?

How is your acting?

How do you influence the universe?

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

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How Bitchy Are You?

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What Sort of Hipster Are You?

Which Classic Novel Is About Your Life?

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What Type Of Parent Are You?

Which Fantasy Character Class Are You?