Defenders of the Earth?

Well, another "Earth Summit" over, and another few years without having to listen to the cloudy wail from those who think we made them poor. Not that I am a cruel person, but it is actually quite fun watching the little foreign diddlers desperately trying to squeeze the suited people of the world for more and more and more money. You can imagine how the exchanges go- Little Foreign Diddler- Sir, you must immediately give me and my country billions of money in order to promote sustainable development. Brave New Worlder- No. Little Foreign Diddler- Sir, I have the newspapers of all Europe and several prominent American intellectuals on my side. I really must ask you to reconsider. Brave New Worlder- No. Little Foreign Diddler- Sir, if you continue in this manner the trees will turn to stone, the seas around you will boil and bubble and the very sky will drip your mother’s blood upon your head. Brave New Worlder- No. You are a liar and I don’t like the way you are dressed. Go away and come back when you discover some useful resources. One big festering bubble of idle chitter, paid for by indolent, corpulent bureaucrats with money that is mine not theirs. Swine one and all, and I hope they die. Some good did come of the conference, however. In amongst the oyster swilling and hand-wringing some courageous souls managed to push through deals with appreciable benefits. For example, the accord struck between the US delegation and those of Mali, Niger and Chad which will see those three countries amalgamating into one new larger nation (to be called ‘Bongo’), sovereignty to be decided at auction, in exchange for the introduction of thousands of Burger King franchises all through the new state. Not only will this make it much easier for schoolchildren around the world to learn African geography, but it is sure to have a lasting effect on freedom in the region. Concessions on global warming were also in evidence, a Canadian delegate promising "to look into it if and when monkeys fly out of my butt", which I am sure we can all agree to be an important step forward. Negotiators argued long and hard over the wording of a communal statement on the issue, eventually finding a compromise between the American suggestion- "Global warming is a ruse invented by Norwegian socialists in order to damage American industry." And the French suggestion- "Global warming is the final proof of the vulgarity and salty evil of the American soul. F*ck Mickey Mouse." Settling eventually on- "Global warming- two words which can collectively be called a phrase." Last minute American worries about the use of the word ‘collective’ were overcome. Noble worries. Remember Stalin? These were bright lights in an otherwise pointless piffle. The jeering of Colin Powell, and the slandering of Tony Blair, was just two more pieces of evidence that show that the people not in power are not to be trusted and do not deserve to be in power themselves. Don’t people realise that the reason our leaders are our leaders is that they are very clever, very capable, very important men, not to be bothered by phatic whinges from those in foreign lands? If they were not the cream of society they would not be in office. Do we really need another expensive meeting just to be reminded of that?

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...