J is for British

A is for aardvark
whatever that is
B is bonanza
and buffalo jizz
C is for cactus
the greatest of plants
D is for dancing
and removal of pants
E’s for esophagus
that’s in my throat
F is for ferret
and G is for goat
H: haberdashery
a store selling things
I is for Icarus
and cheap quality wings
J is for British
it likes farting and woad
K is for Kream-sicles
which make gophers explode
L is for llamas
and crows say ca-CAW!
M is for \m/
(pronounced with a roar!)
N is Napoleon
who still lives and exists
O’s Oompa Loompas
who make pixie sticks
P is for powder
white, fine and fluff
Q is queerculiar
and clearly on 'the stuff'
S is for stinging, flesh-eating, cannibalistic fruit-fly
help it's eating my toes!
T has a tape recorder
shoved up its nose
U is for sea cucumber
I like crumpets and tea
Z is for ziffee
baliffee melee
12 is for 16
and emus like ants
(Ants carry 10 times their weight you see;
help out around the house)
R has revolted and ran away from its spot
It's also for rhythm, which got lost near the top
0.o is for MSN convos
When LOL gets too lame
W’s for weiner dog
they all look the same
X is for the next letter in the alphabet
the stupidest letter ever because nothing starts with it except for xylophone and xenophobia and what’s the point of it when you can replace it with a Z sound or a KS sound and it still makes the same very sound? In fact, X is so useless that it resembles a fairy-winged hippopotamus, for you see, hippopotamus’ have underactive metabolisms and their weight problems are directly due to genetics and their thyroids, not the gluttonous amount of McDonald’s and KFC they ingest as a regular part of their daily diet, KFC being indigenous to the African Savannah and McDonald’s having been imported shortly after the American conquest of Tasmania. The fairy wings, you see, unlike ants, can only support 9.4763 times their own weight and are just a little bit too light to cause buoyancy to these hippos, fierce hunters of the Savannah. Now a weiner dog with fairy wings? That would be a sight to be seen, and how!
V is completely pointless
for examples, see above
Y did we make this contest?
In our childhoods we didn’t get enough love
~ is a symbol
take -- and warp
:-[ makes a Bat man
Gadzooks, Robin! Zorp!
* (being the letter after Y and before the amazing mystery letter that got eaten sometime in the 60’s)
jumped ahead in line
And this is the end
(thank God, about time!)