Application type: Full Application
Location: Buckingham Palace, London W1, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
Development: Demolition of existing statue of Queen Victoria. Erection of a giant (300ft) phallic structure ("cock") to be painted bright red and tilted slightly in the direction of France (approx. S-SE).
Applicant: "Prince" Philip, "Duke" of Edinburgh, "Earl" of Merioneth and "Baron" Greenwich
Case Officer: Ministry of Defence
Decision: Approved
Application type: Conversion
Location: Pentagon Building, Washington, United States of America
Development: Removal of 6 (six) fire hose cabinets; removal of 25 (twenty-five) drinking fountains; construction of 5 (five) triangular extensions to external walls in order to add 30,306 (thirty thousand, three hundred and six) square feet of floor space; replacement of 4,199 (four thousand, one hundred and ninety-nine) clocks with giant, vibrating clown faces; replacement of 16,250 (sixteen thousand, two hundred and fifty) light fittings with jets of flame and hatred; installation of brimstone.
Applicant: General S. Atan, Lord Devourer of all
Case Officer: George. W. Bush.
Decision: Approved
Application: Advertisement Consent
Location: M39 (Open Cluster visible in "Cygnus" constellation) and IC1396 (Diffused Nebula in "Cepheus")
Development: Construction and installation of internally illuminated signage, with wording (neon green) "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" and neon figure (pink, blue) of human figure; lighting to alternate so to give impression of figure raising leg; whole signage to measure 39 (thirty nine) light years in height and 20 (twenty) in width.
Applicant: P. Stringfellow
Case Officer: God
Decision: Approved
Application: Full Application
Location: Planet Earth
Development: Utter annihilation of all competitors
Applicant: B. Gates, In a Mansion, in the USA somewhere.
Case Officer: The President of the World, When Elected
Decision: Pending
Application: Full Application
Location: 15 Meadow Drive, St. Margarets-by-the-Lane, Oxfordshire
Development: Addition of Conservatory to private dwelling
Applicant: Mrs. Felicity Harfield
Case Officer: Mr. Daryn Smith
Decision: Refused on grounds that ex-wife is planning to use aforementioned conservatory as a sex-den with all men in village, and then to eat molten jam from their furry chests.
