Indiana: "Ten Happens Now"

The Indiana State Legislature, after four months of careful debate, examination, cross-questioning of a panel of hand-picked experts, referral to lawyers, inspection by the CIA, approval by foreign ambassadors and scrupulous attention to detail, has given up passing whatever it was doing before and for no real reason has instead ruled that all numbers are now ten. Due to Indiana's pre-eminent position in world intellectual circles*, all numbers are de facto now ten. KNOW THIS. Reported effects: Stock market trading now easy enough not to merit dedicated traders. Job performed instead by eggs and other things like that. 100% incidence of dectuplets. Pregnancy somewhat more of an ordeal. Burst mothers now significant problem. Golden weddings no longer possible. Golden Girls now distressingly numerous. Golden showers unaffected. 1979 Dudley Moore films experiencing upsurge in popularity. 1995 Morgan Freeman films sued for sudden infringement of copyright. Space Odysseys now forcibly relocated to time of Christ. Counting Crows split. Lead singer Adam Duritz: "...ten. Finished now." Count Dracula also finished. 10 Draculas reported. Binary numbers banned. Binary 10 believed to be code number for heretical concept of "2" (now also ten). Computers royally fucked. Hah. Sports matches experiencing unprecedented number of draws. Tottenham Hotspur still lose. Kabbalah almost makes sense. Fails. Still doesn't make sense. Music scales now odd. Slayer songs mysteriously unaffected. Shuttles delayed indefinitely due to unforeseen problems with countdown. Bush administration unexpectedly praised regarding latest figures for national debt. California continues using eight. Water supply removed by neigbouring States. Californians decimated. *Circles indicated not actual circles. Pi ten now.

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