The Dundee Gun Amnesty

That's right, Jim. Help me move the banner over there a bit. We'll need the space for the press.
OK. Open the doors. Better get this over with.
Looks like there's our first "customer".., he's walking past the door. Oh dear. That was a pistol he had, right?
...nothing to do with us.
Ah, here's someone coming in.
Thank you sir. Thanks for making the neighbourhood safer. Goodbye now.
Jim, this rifle is made of chocolate.
...'stasty though.
Ah. Hello sir. Are you handing in a SHIT yes you are. Oh my. Ov- over there please. Pointingsomewhereelseifyou'dbesogood thank you. Bye now -
Jesus Christ. That is actually the biggest gun I have ever seen.
Here's another one..
..he can't be more than six years old. Can he?
Hello little b- sir. Over there thank you.
No, please don't show us how it -
Jim, could you stop Bob's arm bleeding please? Ta.
Someone else outside.
...he isn't coming in., wait, yes he is.
Hello sir. Thank you for making our - what's that? You were in the UDF? Really, that's interesting, an issue on which I have no opinions of any kind you'll be pleased to hear. Are you handing in guns today sir? You are?! Er - OK. Thank you. Have a nice d- another one? That's very honest of y- two more? I- er, hold on a minute sir, I don't think the table can hold much more - oh, there it goes. I'll get another one in a minute - thank you sir, and SHIT oh haha sorry - thought it was about to go off for a-
Well how about that. It did. (Jim, see to Bob again will you?) Still, these things happen don't they sir - if you'll kindly step this way please - no, this way - er, well any way you like so long as it's no this way - thank you and goodbye.
Christ Jim, fucking nutters in the Ulster DefOH HELLO and welcome back sir, another load of honest Irish weaponry I see. Let me help you with that. Sorry, sorry, you're fine as you are. I'll just stand over here then. Yes, just over here. By the flak ja- is that the lot then? Good, good, bye for now sir...
Has he gone?
Please tell me he's gone.
He's gone. Thank God. Oh no, thee's another one.
Hello sir. Are you handing in- no, that's not a Kalashnikov sir, just a standard issue British Army rifle. Do you have any guns to- yes, the shotgun is pump-action, but I don't think - oh. No, I'm sorry sir. It's not on offer. No, they're not for sale sir. No, the idea is that people hand them in - sir? Sir? Christ, he's gone back to get his wallet... oh, it's all right, the kids outside got him. I can just see them from here-
...ouch. That looks painful.
Hope they'll be handing that in later.
Hello madam, can I help you with that? Yes, the SAM launchers are a fair old weight, ahaha, especially with the shopping as well. No, no problem at all. No, thank you. Goodbye now.
How's Bob? Still bl- oh. Right. Well, they can do marvellous things with microsurgery these days. I hope.
Is that someone reversing outside?
It is, you know.
Christ, they should get that engine seen to.
Although it doens't sound much like -
Bollocks! Bollocks!
Ahaha, hello sir. What can I do for you tod-
Er, I don't think we have the facilities to-
Well, the garage space is already pretty full and-
Er, I suppose you could leave it outside... no, please don't take it back, you've done the right thing by coming here, it's just-
Er, right, goodbye then.
Er, Jim?
Sod Bob, get the regulation booklet and find the procedure for handed-in tanks.
No, I'm not joking.
Oh, look at that. The kids are handing in those grenades they got for Christmas.
One by one, as it happens.
...oh dear.
I think Bob would benefit from having the shrapnel removed from his eyes, yes.
Hello sir.
No, he's fine. Probably.
Do you have something to hand in?
Er - OK, does he have something to hand in?
Oh. I see. I'm afraid you can't hand in Pakistanis, sir. No, they're legal. Well I can't really comment on that.
Sir, please put Ravinder down.
Er. Please put the Uzi down too, sir.
That wasn't quite what I-
(Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch, spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch, spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch)
Has he gone? Thank fuck for that.
Well, at least he handed in the Uzi.
When you've finished patching Bob's skull, could you work out how to get the Uzi out of Ravinder? Ta.
Hello madam - no, that's not strictly a lethal weap- no, even sharp walking sticks are legal now -
Oh. Oh right, I see. Very clever mechanism, isn't it. Who'd have thought a walking stick could make a serviceable piece of field artillery?
Bye now-
Oh god, another one.
No Mr. Icke, I'm afraid you can't hand in Dick Cheney. Although, thinking about it - no! No, I'm afraid you're going to have to take him home again. No, that's eczema, not scales, sir. Goodbye, Mr. Icke.
Please tell me it's closing time, Jim.
Jim, put it down.
No, Jim, that's not a good idea.
Oh go on then.
But I get the tank.

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...