Rum and Monkey

Turn it in, after ogling the pictures.

Make a fake RMB profile using the clothed pics of the girl, then trade the naked ones to your buddies for e-props. You know, so you can boost your imaginary self-worth.

Remove the data card and turn the camera in, that way the girl has her pictures kept safe from more prying eyes and you can make a lunch date out of returning the card.

Nightclubs? Who goes to 'em? You spend your nights in the warm blue glow of a computer monitor.

eBay it. Shakespeare's got to get paid, son.

Question

Are you French?

Yes

Your mother's French!

Question

You're on a date with a cute young thang. Walking to your car, a thug jumps out of an alley with a knife. He demands that you drop your wallet and that she go into the alley with him. What do you do?

He's just an underprivileged victim of society. As an enlightened euro-weenie or liberal, you know that resisting just means you're more likely to get hurt, if you let him have whatever he wants, he will let you go.

Run away, leaving the bitch to fend for herself.

Punch the guy with a knife out.

Concealed means Concealed. Leeroy Tyrone Washington, meet Mr. Glock.

Fuck that shit, you're not allowing anyone to endanger your date, and that's why you carry a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. Do you feel lucky, punk?

Question

There are flashing blue and red lights in the rear view mirror. You have illegal items in the car.

We can't stop here, this is bat country!

Pull over. No sense making a big deal about it.

You have yet to see a cop car that can follow you through a plowed field and over a 2' deep creek. Engage 4WD!

Trick question, you don't slip up when it can put you in jail.

Wrack your brain for ways you can make a 20 page post about this when you get home, and hopefully some sympathy noods.

Question

How many guns do you own?

None. We don't need guns here in Canada/Newfoundland/Finland/Sweden/New York. We also are born with manginas.

A chromed Jennings .25ACP and a 9mm Hi-Point.

After selling the ones bought for that purpose, four, counting the 3" cannon.

I don't need a gun, I have Boots of Escaping.

Lost them all in a tragic boating accident. Sorry Officer, wish I could be more help.

Glock 18, MP5K, M4A1, M249, but they all shoot little plastic pellets.

A DEAGLE, YO. IT PWNS ALL THE NOOBS.

Question

Are you:

Bi-lingual

Tri-lingual

American

Bi-Sexual

Tri-Sexual

Question

You just were sent nudes.

Trade them with your n00dz trading e-buddies.

Post them to RSI.

Right-click-save.

Question

Boxers or Briefs?

Boxers

Tighty-whiteys

Commando

Question

You spent two hours riding your bike today.

You can't wait to get your car back, because you hate exercise.

All that time away from the internet really sucked. Quick, make a post about it.

Two? Well, ok. But next time, three.

You're proud of yourself, but feel like something is missing.

Question

Do you own your own house?

Yes

I live in mommy's basement.

My name's on all the bills, what do you think?

Question

A Wal-Mart employee grabs you when you're leaving the store, because you didn't show them your receipt. You immediately:

Act like a tough guy for a few seconds, then show them your damn receipt. Then you post about what a tough guy you were, and try for n00dz.

Pull out your cellphone and call 911, reporting their unlawful assault on your person. You have the greeter arrested and plan a lawsuit against the store. You will have your petty satisfaction!

You don't fucking shop at Wal-Mart.

Question

Pick a posting style that fits you.

hi2u bbqt. now see, u gotta type like this 2keepup the facade of not rly caring about the posts. its simply rly.

Yeah, I happen to like punctuation and grammar.

Posting styles are for forum obsessed geeks.

Yeah This Is Really Cool Guys What Is Up?

You are a fag. Fag. Hey, fag. Shut the fuck up, fag.

Question

World of Warcraft. Opine.

lol its srsly for lzrly lzrs lol. only lzrs play that game. hey lzr get ur butt back on wow and play with faries lol. (5 months later) sry cant come on 2busy w/ wow lol

A well geared account can be worth over $600 on eBay, but why do all the work when some other sucker can before you steal it?

Fuck Warcraft, also smelly geekazoids.

I think WoW is hot, but only say that because some of the jailbait plays it.

I have a level 34 Dwarf Rogue.

Question

Your e-popularity is at stake. You immediately:

Launch on the offensive with a posting spree, and finish it up with a salvo of "You're just mad you're not as good at bashing as I am!"

e-popularity? It's a fucking website, get a grip. It's not like the majority opinion of a few uberdorks is going to keep you from banging chicks off of it.

what?

Break your keyboard flaming the other person in a fit of furious angerrrrryness.

Crush the reps of everyone you dislike by exposing them as pedophiles.

Question

RMB has a ton of pedophiles. You:

Expose them and report them to the proper authorities, but only because you get paid through PJ.

Expose them for the LULZ, stage a few irl meetups with ill-fated pedos, and pitch the footage to Fox.

Pedos. Mmmm. People you can trade your 14 y/o screencapped camshows with. You love being Canadian!

Hunt them down and shoot them in the head. It's the only way to be sure.

They're a valuable resource when it comes to getting them to drive to a location and vanish, leaving their vehicle to show up on eBay in bits and pieces, with their credit cards maxing out shortly after.

Question

You have friends both IRL and Online.

Mostly online, though. At least the hot chicks.

lolz u have 2many girls that just wanna drop their panties on cam 4you lolz

You have a posse.

Just a few people online that you exchange some words with to make your regular online work more pleasant.

About 50/50, to be honest.

Question

Do you have a plan for the Zombie apocalypse?

Yes.

No.

Question

What was your major and minor?

lol, Communications, like all the other fratboys and sorostitutes.

Liberal Arts and Architecture

Mechanical Engineering and Business Management

Your MOM goes to college.

College would take away from my RMB-time.

Question

Final question. Do you like Pie?

Yes.

I like Pie.

The pink warm kind? Yes.

lol qtpi hi2u bbqt

No.

This is a user-written post. Rum and Monkey isn't responsible for its content, however good it may be. Please report any inappropriate content.

How Aaron Are You?

Get started with these questions...

You find a camera on the floor of a nightclub, with naked pictures of the female owner on it. You immediately plan to:

Are you French?

You're on a date with a cute young thang. Walking to your car, a thug jumps out of an alley with a knife. He demands that you drop your wallet and that she go into the alley with him. What do you do?

There are flashing blue and red lights in the rear view mirror. You have illegal items in the car.

How many guns do you own?

Are you:

You just were sent nudes.

Boxers or Briefs?

You spent two hours riding your bike today.

Do you own your own house?

A Wal-Mart employee grabs you when you're leaving the store, because you didn't show them your receipt. You immediately:

Pick a posting style that fits you.

World of Warcraft. Opine.

Your e-popularity is at stake. You immediately:

RMB has a ton of pedophiles. You:

You have friends both IRL and Online.

Do you have a plan for the Zombie apocalypse?

What was your major and minor?

Final question. Do you like Pie?

What do you think, did we get it right? Comment here...

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