@rumandmonkey We're off to obliterate a village. See you soon.

What kind of pirate am I?

by Benjamin

Arrrrr. Define ye friend below. A pirate or a pansy? That is what you must decide. Arrrrr.

What is randy? You decide ...

  1. Yarr. The heartthrob pirate is a very pretty one, with eyes like jewels and a face like a model. They spend their days looting, pillaging and looking pretty for yon ladies, who all want a piece of yon man-cutlass. Yarr.

  2. Yarr. The software pirate is not quite as pretty. They have pimply faces and unwashed hair. Their eyes are glazed and their skin is pale and pasty. They do not do so well with yon maidens. But in ten years they will be working at Microsoft and richer than Blackbeard himself. Yarrr.

  3. Yarr. The crafty ship's captain is crafty indeed. They launch attacks on the King's ships. They launch attacks on the Queen's ships. They launch attacks on any ships minding their own business, having a smoke by the door. And then they board, they seize, they loot and they plunder - often with the help of their bosun and their navigator, who may or may not be animals and food. Yarrr.

  4. Yarr. The scurvy sea dog has been a pirate for an extraordinary length of time - so long that they have forgotten what it's like to be yon ordinary individual. Work behind a desk? The scurvy sea dog would sooner slit your throat! Which he may do anyway. Now hand over ye gold. Yarrr.

  5. Yarr. Ye won't be taking no liberties with the female buccaneer. Truly a bastion of feminism, ye woman pirate will seize ye gold, cut off ye genitals and wear them as a necklace, all before her morning grog. Empowering. Yarrr.