You think you have friends. We know how it is. You hang out with them, they smile, they're friendly, you get on well together.

Well, here's the thing: secretly, deep down, they fucking hate you. All they really want to do is hassle you; reject you; kick you while you're down. And who are we to stop them? Who, in fact, is anyone?

That's what this tool is all about. Type in your name below, and you'll receive an insulting name with which they can harangue you into a painful, early grave. Isn't the Internet great?