Which Peeg are you?

It's a proven fact that loofahs - a type of vegetable sponge - are quite often DANGEROUS COMMUNIST PIGS. With this in mind, if a loofah came up to you on the street, would you get heavy on its ass with a fearsome chop?

Yes

No

Have you ever wanted to come snout of the closet?

Yes

No

Celebrities are funny animals; Kevin Bacon, for instance, permanently looked like some kind of demented man-beast. If you were a demented man-beast, would you seek a fulfilling career in film like Kevin Bacon?

Yes

No

Imagine for a moment that someone's ground your insides to a pulp and is merrily feeding them into your intestines. Wouldn't that be the wurst?

Yes

No

Do you ever feel like smoking a joint?

Yes

No

A cosh is a piece of leather-covered metal with a flexible handle; quite a nasty weapon, really. Or a nice one, if you like that sort of thing. Anyway, if you were more like one than you are at the moment, would you be cosher?

Yes

No

Do you often find yourself getting into truffle?

Yes

No

Have you ever trawled the dark corners and seedy undergrowth, looking for cheap boars?

Yes

No

When you wake up in the morning, and you've slept the wrong way and your muscles are tired and sore, do you hear your back crackling?

Yes

No

Ever wish you were pig?

Yes

No

Are you tired of bad pig puns yet?

Yes

No

Have you ever obliterated a village?

Yes

No

When you eat, are you surrounded by screaming farmers shouting "sooeeee, sooeeee"?

Yes

No

Have you ever been saved by a wise old spider and her linguistic web-crawling antics?

Yes

No