1. Flying cars
   Vehicle of the future!  Never mind the obvious problems associated with three dimensional traffic jams, not to mention drunk driving.  Just picture rising above the urban sprawl in your very own flying machine, and consider the possibilities!  Gas stations in the sky!  McDonald’s Drive Thrus in the sky!  People forced to live on the poverty line due to our unequal economic system, soullessly wiping windows in order to make a meager buck so they can afford to stay at the homeless shelter tonight, in the sky!  Idiots flicking out still-burning cigarette ends while their subwoofer causes visible vibrations in the air around them, in the sky!  Why, that’s a veritable world of tomorrow right there.
2. Scuba bears
   Global warming is irrevocably melting the natural habitat of the friendly polar bear.  The solution is simple: get the companies responsible to kit out each individual animal with scuba gear.  Problem solved.  Alternatively, install giant refrigerators at both poles: sure, they’ll pump out massively ozone-depleting levels of CFCs, but it won’t matter!  No matter how much poison we spew out, the planet will stay frosty cool at both ends.
3. Mecha-Britney
   Britney Spears’ mortal body has been virtually destroyed, and it must be rebuilt.  This year, expect her to be kitted out with a RoboCop-like exoskeleton that allows her to belt out catchy Swedish-penned power pop while becoming unsusceptible to the vices that have blighted her existence as a mortal human.  Dealing out harsh justice is an optional extra; doing the robot for anyone who asks is free.
4. Instant learning
   Pretty soon, you’ll be able to take any piece of knowledge and have it beamed directly into your brain, like Keanu Reeves learns kung fu in The Matrix.  Simultaneously, the Internet will become humanity’s premier source of information.  Through the medium of self-aggrandizing blogs, 140-character Twitter messages, snarky Digg comments, Facebook applications and lolcats, we will collectively reach the next stage of human evolution.  Don’t be afraid.
5. A little more rum, a little more monkey
   And perhaps a little bit more of the two combined.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm and is filed under Bears. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.