Articles we could write, but probably won’t
March 15th, 2007 by Benjamin
If the US constitution had been written using a wiki
“That first amendment is superfluous and allows idiots undue speaking rights. This is bad. What do you mean, who says? My fake PhD says! Booyakasha!”
If Paul McCartney had been the edgiest Beatle
John Lennon’s natty pair of tweeds
George Harrison’s heartfelt conversion to the Church of England and subsequent fete attendance
Their famous hit, a lovely cup of tea, no sugar please, Samantha dear (ta)
Angsty folk songs of the rich and famous
Paris Hilton’s I’m young, thin and probably have an enormous coke habit, but really I want to save the world through song plz
Martha Stewart’s Holy shit, now I’m out of jail nobody cares
Ryan Seacrest’s I’m so inconsequential it physically hurts
Rosie O’Donnell’s Baaaaah awoooogiieee spooo
Extraordinary uses for puppet theatre through history
1934: Easing the Great Depression through a hilarious puppet show
1939: Distracting the Nazis through a hilarious puppet show
1957: Hiding the beginnings of the Vietnam War from the American people through a hilarious puppet show
1978: Elvis Presley killed by a hilarious puppet show
2000: Ruling the American public with a hilarious puppet show
Despotic banana republics you may not have heard of
New York: Manager is a bit of a tosser
Chicago: Staff toilet leads much to be desired
Orlando: Gets fashions two months after other stores
Albuquerque: Overrun with guerrilla marketers
Possible nicknames for Dick Cheney borrowed from the pages of Marvel Comics
Dick “Captain Marvel” Cheney
Dick “The Punisher” Cheney
Dick “Iron Man” Cheney
Dick “Sensational Spider-Man” Cheney
March 15th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Great. I’m So Inconsequential it Physically Hurts was going to be MY breakthrough single on the folk charts. Thanks for stealing my dreams, Ben.
March 16th, 2007 at 12:09 am
“1924: Easing the Great Depression through a hilarious puppet show”
I’m guessing they were so drunk on Prohibition gin they didn’t realize the Great Depression hadn’t started yet?
Also, the list of despotic banana republics made me cry with joyful surprise.
March 16th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Historical accuracy’s for wimps.
March 16th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
Hilarious puppet show my ass! I don’t think any puppet show has ever been responsible for close to 500,000 American deaths. And 36,000 Iraqi civilian deaths.
March 17th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
gosh. either someone completely fails at getting humor, or someone completely fails at trying to humorously pretend not to get humor.
I fully intend to lull humanity into a false sense of security via a hilarious puppet show, then use the puppets to bludgeon dissenters to death one at a time. Then I will use the puppets’ heads as bowls from which to eat the delicious soup I will make from the blood of the afore-mentioned dissenters. mmm….
March 18th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
I think I saw Gail’s puppet show performed by Punch and Judy.
March 19th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
What? WHO STOLE MY GIG?
April 27th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
my home town is in albuquerque and that list of depostic banana republics is so true, especially for burque!!!!