Fuck you and stop being a sarcastic asshole. I'm trying to make a point here.

Hooookay, so you just kissed me. what does this mean? And also, what does this mean for that annoying girlfriend of yours, regardless of whether you're thinking of ending it with her or not...

"Caroline, get your fucking hearing aid out and use it so we don't have to yell for you to hear us. Also, your dog who is currently terrorizing the cat who likes to piss on things when he's scared couldn't possibly be without his mommy? Or is it that you just don't have the funds to board that hyperactive mutt? And then there's that you have insulted myself and my mother numerous times in the thirty minutes since you arrived, and all she can do is chant in her head <i>'I'm doing this for my husband...'</i>. And you also have a cellphone, but why the hell would you pay $100 just for something you'll turn off and leave in your purse?"

I kinda feel bad about thinking that since she got me Christmas presents, but this helps.

"Peter, log the fuck on to myspace. I need to know if you got the directions to my house! I freaking wrapped underwear for you! If you don't show up, I'm going to do unspeakable things to you, and not the kind you're hoping. FUCK THIS, I'M HACKING YOU TO SEE IF YOU GOT IT!!! Oh, big surprise, of course you didn't get it."

"I can't wait 'til I have my own damn house and I can just have Kira over for the holidays and everyone else will be told I went to Hawaii."

"Grandma, remember how you said earlier that you would hate it if I were a lesbian? Guess what! I've had more girlfriends than boyfriends and I gave my first kiss to my first girlfriend!"

This is actually from around Thanksgiving, but I felt like I needed to say it.

"Ali, we get it. He's an asshole. He might have gotten you pregnant but it turns out he didn't. He treated you like a whore. WE FUCKING GET IT!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW YOU HATE HIM!!! GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND MOVE ON!!!!"

So this is a regular thought that I can hear running through all my friends' minds as I think it while Ali yammers on and on.

"Guess what! I'm not as excited about going to New York and Boston this summer as you are! I like home! I can't stand being away from home for long! Plus, the economy has gone under and you want to spend $3,000 in a place that could kill you with pollution alone?! Jesus! I hardly know Katie and you're making me sit in the summer New York heat clear on the other coastline from home to watch her to get maarried to what's-his-name? Can't wait 'til I'm 18, no more making me do anything!"

Oh, under 18, that explains everything.

Is that good or bad?

It's not that I don't like my family, I just have little freedom or choice while a minor.

It just is.

Oh.

It means he's playing you.

You have no idea how many times I've told her this.

WE HAVE A PLAYER, PEOPLE
REPEAT
WE HAVE A PLAYER
Ah well. Meri, I know you want to say "I told you so" but I feel it might kick me off the edge if you do.

Stop being a sarcastic asshole and <i>clean the fucking kitchen</i> already.

Think about that. Your face breaking. I think that would really hurt.

I don't want to say it. I want these skeezy arseholes to leave you alone and a nice sandwich (who looks like Robert Pattinson) to find you and set you up with roses and diamonds and things.

I've finally figured out the REAL reason you were so fixed on having children. You just wanted little slaves to run around and wait on you hand-and-foot while you sit on your fat ass all day long watching soap operas and stuffing your face with last night's leftovers.

Am I Christian because I wear a cross?


No, I just like crucifying people.

I need to spend some time, out of the house, without you. When I said I'd do the grocery shopping because I needed to get some things myself, I did not mean that I'll go with you to do the grocery shopping. You are driving me insane.

"Yeah lady, the button says I'm gay, which means that because I'm in Victoria's Secret and I just smiled polietly at your daughter -who, might I add, is probably five years younger than I am and therefore need not even be here-, you <i>MUST</i> pull her away, lest I should rape her. Oh and by the way this girl standing next to me who looks just like me <i>couldn't possibly</i> be my <i>sister</i>, oh no, she is <i>absolutely</i> my girlfriend!"

"Well, I couldn't possibly feel any wierder right now... what are the odds that when I go to a Target in the town I used to live in that I moved away from I meet the mother and older sister of my enemy from my days four years ago in Catholic school while drinking molten giznt pretzel cheese from a cup and wearing buttons displaying my sexual orientation and very gothic looking clothes. I guess I'm really lucky, because they noticed and remembered me. Joy..."

"Of course it's my fault you can't get where you're headed because I'm walking so slowly. By the way, I love the sound of your kid crying and screaming."

"Would someone please hit her? She doesn't even know me, she's standing in front of me in line at a Wal-Mart and insulting me and my sister."

Someone, please, take that kid home, put him in bed, and let him sleep! I really hate him right now because even though you're on the other side of a fucking Wal-Mart Super Center, I can hear him shrieking."

"If you would please be so kind as to go find the nearest dagger and tear out your spleen, I believe I may need to have it to perform a ritual as a designated witch so proclaimed by the pentagram I drew on my pants with a Sharpie when I was bored after a Math test last month, I would love that. Fucking stereotypes...I don't have a religion, thanks."

Posting in yellow sucks.

Yeeah...I think I'm gonna stop doing that...

Appreciate it, Misa :)

You're a fucking idiot and you're going to regret this some day when you're old and alone and realize I was the best thing that ever happened to you.

what the fuck are you doing? Why would you even waste your energy in arguing with your manager? If the boss says no, then it's no, and if you do it anyway, you risk your job. Working in general is like being in some extraordinarily fucked up family, and managers are the parents. Eventually, if you push any argument far enough, it'll just boil down to "Because I said so."
Are you so brain damaged that you think you're above this? So that you can personally insult the person who actually has a <i>say</i> in whether or not you even keep your job?
Is the $3 you'd save even worth that?
Grow the fuck up. Please. Or, go shove a rusty bayonet through your belly.