You may know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is talking about running for Governor of California next time around, as is Rob Reiner of This is Spinal Tap, When Harry Met Sally and Meathead fame. They have piles of their own money, you see, and as a result won't have to declare their donations. They won't have any donations, aside from the dollars and pounds the public is paying at the box office.
What a great idea! Reagan paved the way by blurring the lines between politics and the movies, and the libertarian ex-WWF wrestler Jesse Ventura is now Governor of Minnesota. Now that the parties have motivation to put forward rich, famous people, we could get all kinds of wonderful people trying to run the country for us. Jim Carrey for President! Bruce Willis for mayor of New York!
As an American citizen with a California address, I'm also eligible to run for governor. Sure, I don't know much about politics, and I've never starred in a big budget movie, but I'll bet I can do better than an Austrian body builder with fascist tendencies or a man who makes romantic films starring Billy Crystal. I mean, hell, if Clint Eastwood can be mayor of an upper-class whitebread community there must be hope for me, right?
There is, of course, only one problem: I'm not a movie star, have never been a movie star, and sadly the prospects of me ever becoming a movie star are fading fast. I did write a horror film script once, but it was so bad that I kept it to myself, and who wants a horror mogul to run their state anyway? (Except Lloyd Kaufman.)
As I see it, there are two options open to me: I can make my own independent film, wow the crowds at Cannes and Sundance and take the world by storm. Or, I can take the chance that people will elect an unknown and try my luck at becoming a "sleeper" electoral victor.
Either way, I'm going to need money. So dig deep into your pockets, folks; give me whatever you can, and please include details of all your party and business affiliations. Send it to me via Paypal, or just buy a whole bunch of books through my Amazon affiliate scheme. I promise not to spend it on a digital camera or something. No.
Go on. Benjamin W for State Governor in 2006: support the name you can trust.