Jobby

A- Please take a seat. B- Thank you. A- My name is Gilbert. This is Bunny. We’ll be conducting the interview with you today. B- Hello Gilbert. Howdy Bunny. Does Bunny speak? C- Meep. A- Hello. Well first I suppose I’d like to put you at your ease by asking you to tell us a little about yourself, maybe how you’ve spent the last few years. B- Bunny scare me. C- Meep. B- Well, I’d like to describe myself as a man of action but I’d be lying tremendously. Most days I spend almost entirely in bed masturbating into a plastic cup which they will never take from me. I’m not usually allowed forks but when I am I like to spin around until I am dizzy and then stab myself in the face to see if I can hit my eye. I gather all my sustenance from mouse urine which I only drink from the source. Stuffed toys fear me. Yesterday I realised after three days of trying that I cannot lick my elbows. A- Okay, well, yes, well, why do you want to work for us? B- I don’t really but Mungo says that unless I get a job he will have my testicles. Your company was the first one I selected by throwing wet cornflakes at a newspaper. C- Meep. A- What do you consider to have been your greatest achievement in life? B- This life? A- What? B- It’s just that...never mind. Well it’s hard to say really since a boating accident left me unable to remember anything before last May. But I would have to say that being president of Norway rates highly. A- Um, okay, how hard, no not that question, ah, how would a harsh critic describe you? B- Who? A- Just someone random and harsh. B- Like my mum? A- No, just someone... B- Well, she would call me… A- No! A random person. B- Has someone said something? A- No... C- Meep. B- Have you...? A- Right! Which three words best describe you? B- Good question! I’m going to have to think about that one. Let me see…does ‘Anti-Semitic’ count as just one word? A- ... B- Never mind. I would say ‘Leaky’, ‘Purple’, and, a third, a third, I know! ‘Vengeful’. A- Thank you, okay, ah, Bunny? C- Meep! A- Yes, what can you bring to a team? B- Hm…I can bring a fair amount of narcotics... A- And what role do you think you would take in a team? B- If I was completely honest with you I would have to say that I am not Hannibal. I don’t think I’m funny enough to be Murdoch or cool enough to be Face. I guess that makes me B.A. Especially since I ain’t goin’ on no fucking plane! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! A- Yes... B- Is that your belt? A- Okay, I don’t have any more questions. We’ll probably get back to you tomorrow with news of whether you do not have the job or do have the job or do not. B- Wow, thanks. I was worried about this interview but I’ve actually enjoyed myself. If I don’t get the job I’ll cut you. C- Meep!

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