We here at Rum and Monkey are aware of our predominantly teenage audience, and are constantly seeking to set the right tone and be digital role models for the rest of your lives. You are truly becoming who you will be for the rest of your lives, and we know that the websites you read will influence the thoughts that pass through your fresh little heads – and therefore will make a significant contribution to your personality.

Therefore, here are some cocktail recipes.


Iraqi WMD

1 cup Remy Red Liqueur
1 cup milk
1 cup black vodka

Pour black vodka, milk and red liqueur into a tall glass, ensuring that the layers remain separated. Tell everyone that a prize is hidden in one of the glasses; the prize may or may not exist. Take back the glasses before everyone has finished. Smash them into the wall while shouting, "be free!"


Coalition of the Willing

1 half pint American bourbon
1 cup British gin

Pour gin and bourbon into a pint glass. Insist there's more to it than just gin and bourbon.


Republican Government

1 shot vodka
1 shot absinthe
3 shots triple sec
1 tablespoon sugar (melted)
Lysergic acid diethylamide

Pour the vodka and triple sec into a cocktail shaker. Stir in lysergic acid diethylamide. Assume prone position. Drink liquid solution while watching sugar slowly drip from a spoon.

Republican Government Twist

A variation of the above; have a man in white robes shout "Axis of evil!" at the top of his voice at random intervals while quaffing.


Al Qaeda

1 pint antimatter Guinness

Pour antimatter Guinness. Laugh at hilarious jape as everyone tries to pick it up.


Three Mile Island Iced Tea

1 part vodka
1 part tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sour mix
2 parts Coca-Cola

Pour together into a glass over ice and give a brisk shake. Add:

1 tablespoon salt
1 scoop vanilla ice cream

Push ice cream to the very bottom of glass. Shout "boom!" and dance around the room. Quietly pretend you didn't shout "boom!" or dance around the room. Smear overflow onto walls. Dribble mud into peoples' ears. Finally insist that the mess isn't as bad as all that.


Project for a New American Century

1 part coffee
1 part rum
1 part black vodka
1 part whisky

Announce that you are going to mix the above ingredients. Jump up and down while mixing the ingredients, then act surprised that the ingredients have mixed. Furiously dismiss accusations that you intended to mix the ingredients all along.


Afghanistan

1 cup Remy Red Liqueur
1 cup milk
1 cup black vodka

Pour black vodka, milk and red liqueur into a tall glass, ensuring that the layers remain separated. Tell everyone that a prize is hidden in one of the glasses; the prize may or may not exist. Take back the glasses before everyone has finished. Smash them into the wall while shouting, "be free!"